I feel like I have to reread this a few more times. But looking back it feels like we were a means to an end… to someone’s end and their goals. And it didn’t matter who got trampled and left behind.
“but as someone with a close relationship with shame, that’s a dangerous message to receive” 😭😭😭🙋🏽♀️
I hurt for the very wounded, people pleasing girl I went into all this as. She was trying to escape a brutal start to life, and ended up unknowingly selling her soul for acceptance and validation. Both of which she never got till she blew it all up 🫶🏽😭
THIS. I can relate. It's a quick, confusing whirlwind of events from the first class to picking yourself up afterwards wondering what the hell happened and how so much time went by. Then you realize you were charmed into choosing a team, challenged to give everything of yourself, chained to the idea that that's what "good Christians" do, chastised & chided if you couldn't keep up with the changing & increasing demands, cast aside when you tried a little too late to set boundaries and reclaim a bit of your life outside of church, and finally, cancelled when you came to your senses and dared question anything about the system & people who chew people up and spit them out on the regular when they no longer play nicely and do as they're told. It's a lonely and confusing experience, especially when you reasonably assume a "church family" would never do those things. Thanks for having this hard conversation, Stacia.
Wow, every single word of this, just wow. I felt every piece of it. Because I feel like I lived part of it too. “if you produce, you belong.” But that one line right there hit me like a ton of bricks! And then the family section. I mean, I know you saw me there with my little boy constantly. And that’s all he knew. And he would beg me to go home, and I would say I have to do this. Knowing that I didn’t really “have to.” to know that I would’ve done anything for just the acceptance of those people, and that makes me sick now looking back. I hate being a people pleaser! And I don’t know why I sought after their approval so much.
I feel like I have to reread this a few more times. But looking back it feels like we were a means to an end… to someone’s end and their goals. And it didn’t matter who got trampled and left behind.
I agree- it’s why that one lyric that says “seems like all I’m worth is what I’m able to withstand” stood out to me so much.
I feel like I need to reread it too, I find new things each time.
“but as someone with a close relationship with shame, that’s a dangerous message to receive” 😭😭😭🙋🏽♀️
I hurt for the very wounded, people pleasing girl I went into all this as. She was trying to escape a brutal start to life, and ended up unknowingly selling her soul for acceptance and validation. Both of which she never got till she blew it all up 🫶🏽😭
THIS. I can relate. It's a quick, confusing whirlwind of events from the first class to picking yourself up afterwards wondering what the hell happened and how so much time went by. Then you realize you were charmed into choosing a team, challenged to give everything of yourself, chained to the idea that that's what "good Christians" do, chastised & chided if you couldn't keep up with the changing & increasing demands, cast aside when you tried a little too late to set boundaries and reclaim a bit of your life outside of church, and finally, cancelled when you came to your senses and dared question anything about the system & people who chew people up and spit them out on the regular when they no longer play nicely and do as they're told. It's a lonely and confusing experience, especially when you reasonably assume a "church family" would never do those things. Thanks for having this hard conversation, Stacia.
Wow, every single word of this, just wow. I felt every piece of it. Because I feel like I lived part of it too. “if you produce, you belong.” But that one line right there hit me like a ton of bricks! And then the family section. I mean, I know you saw me there with my little boy constantly. And that’s all he knew. And he would beg me to go home, and I would say I have to do this. Knowing that I didn’t really “have to.” to know that I would’ve done anything for just the acceptance of those people, and that makes me sick now looking back. I hate being a people pleaser! And I don’t know why I sought after their approval so much.